We all love a good boat party and there’s little competition to rival the Ibizan debauchery onboard the HMS Together during Together Week, but it takes a bit of sense to be sea-savvy. We’ve all seen the idyllic photos of girls diving into the sea and it may seem like the ideal photo to commemorate your Summer vacation, but trust me it’s harder than it looks.
It’s all fun and games with a drink in your hand when the party’s in full swing, but any sudden unpredictable movements will end with you headfirst in the ocean. Wet clothes, a broken phone and hair sticking to your face isn’t the most attractive look but it’ll certainly make some good holiday photos (for your mates to poke fun at you), so here’s a gentle guide to keep both feet (and dignity) on the boat where they belong.
Don’t jump off.
Rule one of staying aboard a boat party? Don’t jump off. Prior to boarding, have a word with yourself and promise your feet that they will be staying put. It might seem like a great idea for a snazzy Instagram post, but falling face first into the freezing cold ocean with your limbs flying around doesn’t look as attractive as you think. Plus, there’s always the problem of getting back onto the boat. How many drunk people does it take to save a dick from drowning? You don’t want to know.
Kit yourself out.
I’m talking arm bands, snorkels, inflatable rings and a flare gun. Make sure if you fall off that boat you do with grace, ultimate style and elegance. You might look like an idiot, but you’ll be hitting A*s when it comes to safety first. And why stop there? Taping inflatable sharks to your legs would also suffice in keeping you afloat, and warn the lurking sea creatures that you’re not a force to be messed with in the water.
Don’t breakdance onboard.
Sometimes in Ibiza the weather can be a little unpredictable, especially in September last year when we saw random storms and showers of rain. This didn’t stop our group of guests who fought against the prevailing winds and danced their way through the monumental showers, ending in a single casualty onboard of a grown man scraping his knee. If the boat gets rocky (which it will) just be sure you’re not doing headstands and somersaults as chances are you’ll flip straight into the Balearic waters and we’ll be having so much fun we forget to pick you up.
Don’t piss anyone off.
You never know, someone out there may have the psychotic anger and upper body strength to lift and chuck you into the water. Or they might think it’ll be a hilarious joke. Either way, chances are your mates will have been drinking so much they’ll either laugh or completely forget you’ve disappeared. We’ve all seen the survival shows on TV and reckon we could survive in the wild too, but lets not make Ibiza our goodbye to humanity as we know it. As much as living on a deserted island without idiots appeals to me, the thought of saying goodbye to wi-fi isn’t something I want to think about. Also, most of the deserted islands surrounding Ibiza are inhabited by wild goats and lizards so I’d advise researching some cooking recipes before you fly.